Unaware

Dugan was always one to think things through until there was no more thinking to do. He didn’t like making decisions without coming to a complete and satisfactory conclusion in which he had faith his chosen path was deserving of a future.

   Never a loner, but far too often alone just the same, Dugan remained seated on his favorite recliner in his apartment. Staring straight ahead but at nothing, he awaited something that might take him away from such frightening silence.

   He considered what options he had for the Saturday that lay ahead. He had tasks to accomplish – several, in fact. Things that, for years, motivated and captivated him. But as the uneventful days and long, quiet nights turned into too many to count, Dugan’s thinking started to change.

   As morning turned into afternoon, a shrill of desperation poked around Dugan’s mind. Time was wasting, yet again. He sat still, for the most part, listening to the sound that wasn’t there, except for the traffic in his mind. His thoughts moved faster as his anxiety persisted through the passing of the day.

   In this overwhelming nothingness, Dugan had little ability to let in any of the positive that had often accompanied and led his actions since he was a kid. In a sense, he was powerless. But he was allowing himself to explore this unknown region. It was his choice to search further into his mind, blindly, without armor.

   It wasn’t the first time he had taken this kind of trip, but it was the furthest he had ventured. This was not a form of meditation. This was something else. He wasn’t watching his thoughts pass by. He was stalking them, following closely. He was traveling to a dark place filled with not only his own confused, bewildering perplexities, but alongside things that are more powerful than he ever would have imagined.

   In this place, Dugan became less and less aware of his own, actual life. The deeper in he searched, the weirder things became. But he was not so afraid of it any longer. He was getting to know his darkness. He had befriended it.

   The clouds hovered above, but he paid no mind. It had created a shade. Faces appeared in the pitch black that surrounded him at all angles. Sometimes, just eyes. But he was not disturbed by them, only curious.

   Having forgotten what purpose he had in coming to this place, he continued on. Something in the silence had clouded his former way of thought. He was utterly unaware.

   Walking into the deepest of the dark, Dugan was confronted by fears he had also forgotten about. All eyes were on him, some of them attached to the most hideous of creatures. Some had bodies, some didn’t.

   Dugan lied down on his back, and the creature’s eyes became the stars in the sky. He was feeling a tremendous wave of emotion. They began eating into his flesh, but he had forgotten that pain was something he would normally fear with the highest regard. In this moment, it was exhilarating.

   He was suffocating, sweating profusely, bleeding, and worse, but he was unaffected. Unaware, except toward his new dark friends and the rush they were giving to him, Dugan decided to return the favor. He felt it was his place to do so, that it was the right thing to do. And so he opened his mouth, and tore into flesh.

   Sometime later, when emotions withered and actions subsided, Dugan returned to his reality. He was back, aware again, but, unfortunately, just not the same.