Hope for the Future

I remember that clean, quiet room with no windows. The rug was puffy and soft and I loved to walk on it with no shoes or socks. It provided a small sense of warmth and comfort at a time when I needed so much more than that. My desk was made of glass and L-shaped. It was supposed to be the room where I’d write my first best-seller. I’d pull the wool over the world’s eyes, making them believe that I was actually something special so that I could ride that wave for as long as possible, to feel alive for a just little while.

There were many lonely nights with no sound coming from my apartment except for my fingers typing against the keyboard or the occasional movie, one that I had seen dozens of times but threw it on once again to try and rekindle that old spark for life.

As much as I loved to write, I realized what was missing was not my finishing a great fictional novel,  but quite the opposite. I was searching for my own true-life story, complete with the girl of my dreams who would adore me and walk beside me into the unknown. I envisioned someone like me in many ways, but with her own convictions and feelings about the world, and time and space. That was back when I was a different sort of man, now that I have found her.

And so I’m searching once again, this time for what is supposed to come next. I know that I will always be a writer and I will forever love the art, the freedom, the relief of putting down on paper everything that runs through me. I may never complete a novel that is worth all the buzz, or I may – it’s a mystery to me. I try to follow my passions and my instincts, but I fear they may be greatly hindered by a far too complex mind. There seems to be so many thoughts, feelings I cannot describe, decisions I can’t seem to decide upon, and then some that are unpredictable, even to me.

It seems to be my time to write my heart out, so what is stopping me? People are listening. They are waiting for another story that might connect with them and help them through, because we are all lost. We are all waiting for direction, for love, for strength, for the right words. We are all connected and we need to feel those bonds, the links that bring us together. 

Don’t give up on your dreams, don’t stop looking for someone to love, and keep your eyes open for the words that might just open your eyes. All I want is for my words to reach someone, anyone, like they have reached me.
And until the day I die, I’ll keep searching, too.

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Regarding the Recent Shootings

What are we here for? It’s the question that we have contemplated since the beginning. We can fool around with different ideas or just go through the motions without ever considering the consequences of our decisions.  We influence those around us with every action we take and everything we say, and actions are born from a single seed of the mind.

We are the leaders of this world – you, me and every adult that is alive. We have the power to stop the cycle of violence that seems to be happening in the world – we do. Police have made drastic decisions based on aggression and fear, and young men have acted carelessly and with resistance. The levels of complexity have risen on both sides. Any one of us can become outraged by just turning on the television, because no one should be getting shot, no matter how you look at it. Somewhere along the way, we let the wrong ideas in.

As we move forward to an always unknown future, we can choose what we want to think about. How should we speak to our children, our girlfriends, boyfriends, husbands and wives? Do we really want to stir up an intense conversation about some unnecessary violence that has occurred, and with a raging ferocity, describe what we would do if we were in a similar situation? Imagine the confusion that a child might experience when trying to understand such things. We are all children in a way, capable of learning and growing and changing. But is this the way we really want to shape our future?

We need to prepare ourselves for anything, and that will never change. But maybe the best thing we can do to fight back against all the chaos is not to ignore what is happening by forfeiting our right to free speech, but instead to try and spread influence in ways that will bring peace to ourselves and all those around us. The destruction of our spirit can happen with rapid intensity, like a blazing fire that has engulfed a once peaceful home and obliterated all life within.

Together, we can create a positive change that will soon integrate into places beyond our own lives. Talk about current events, know and try to understand what is happening, but don’t let these kinds of discussions destroy you. Rather than pound the table with your fist, tell yourself that it is just not worth it. Instead, turn to your girlfriend and tell her you love her, just because you wanted to see her smile. Call your husband and ask him if he wants to go out later, and then put yourself together like it is your first date. Speak to your children with love time and time again, and never stop. Our influence travels throughout our lives like a cool, calm breeze or a devastating and unrelenting storm, and it will eventually be felt by everyone.

Posted in Creative, Inspiration, Life, love, news stories, positive change, race in America, racism, Realities of Life, To live, To live a happy life | Leave a comment

Looking Ahead and Back

It’s scary how life goes by so quickly. Even though I still feel like I’m in my 20s, that’s just not the case. More than ever I feel like I have to use my time wisely, and really make careful decisions in order to be satisfied with myself. I want to look back one day and be able to truthfully say that I gave everything I had.

No one can do it all. The time is just not always there to work on what I know needs to be done. Sometimes my mind races or the motivation is just not where it should be, and I refuse to do anything if I believe my head is not in it. That kind of way never produces the right results.

I’m a writer. I don’t write every day, and sometimes my work might not be so spectacular, but that’s what I am. Like it or not. I am a storyteller and I have a sensitive soul. I can’t always portray what I want in words, but I become so excited when I have finished writing something that I feel might move someone. It’s just not possible for me to hold inside all I feel.

I’ll finish a short story every once in a while. I’ll write an article for the paper or something on social media, but none of it really means anything unless someone cares about it. We are all here to make connections, to get across in some way to others what we have deep inside. We are here to show each other who we really are, good and bad.

Most of my life I have kept pretty much to myself, besides those few that I have been able to fight through my nervous ways and force some sort of a connection. But through writing I can explore all that I am without holding anything back. I can place myself in a world beyond the one I know, and play with reality. I can open doors that were forever locked and make connections with anyone of my choosing. I can show in words what I truly believe, that nothing is unreachable. I can live forever.

I hope that by the end of my life, I will have made a difference in the real world, too.

Posted in Creative, Inspiration, Life, Love for writing, Realities of Life, To live a happy life | Leave a comment

Remembering Those We Love on Valentine’s Day

As we approach Valentine’s Day, we are forced to take a closer look at those that are important to us. We have the chance to take our partner to a new restaurant, bring a fresh bouquet of flowers to our mother, or ask someone special for their hand in marriage. The opportunity is there if we so choose. But what about the ones that are no longer with us? Should we take the time to remember the way they were, and how they loved each other, too? Valentine’s Day is not just about traditional or new love, but it also extends to another kind of love – the kind between identical twin sisters.

Marion and Doris may have struggled in their final years, but they were inseparable. They were forced to face the calamities of Alzheimer’s, but they faced it together. What they had was unbreakable, maybe something that only twins can completely understand.

They are thought of often by those who loved them the most, with a laugh and a snicker, and always lots of love. It was said that no matter how lost or forgetful The Twins became as a result of their condition, their personalities remained evident. They were strong-headed, stubborn, and always opinionated. Doris was clearly the aggressor and the leader, and Marion was accepting of this, though there was resistance from time to time.

Doris became ill first, leading the way even in the end. Marion followed close behind, and soon their symptoms were the same. In their final hours, they lied together in the hospital, hand-in-hand, two women who lived long and memorable lives with a family who loved and stood by them no matter what. They died 18 hours apart.

The Twins

What they left behind was more important than just their many experiences – their story, but of what it means to love someone unconditionally. It is remarkable how clearly The Twins are remembered, and how their strength makes their family proud and inspired, even today, many years after their passing. The spirit of The Twins has been passed down through the generations – I’ve seen this with my own eyes. I feel pride  every day knowing that I have become a part of this family, having gained a new Valentine of my own, in Maggie.

Let us remember love, through the years. Every day we have the opportunity to make someone smile, to make new memories, and to sit down and have a meaningful conversation about the ones who have moved on to a better place. We can open our hearts to the person we love most, and to the memory of those who will always be with us in spirit. Let’s use Valentine’s Day to do that, too.

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The Passion To Keep Writing

It feels good to be writing again. I seem to be off and on, telling myself that I don’t have the time, or that my mood isn’t right. Several weeks can pass in the blink of an eye and before you know it, you’re 38. I need to try and find a way to write through those issues. This is my passion, after all, so why let it ride? I don’t have all the time in the world to write that great story that could open doors for me. No one has.

Few of us will ever find things to feel passionately about, let alone one. I’m lucky to have found that writing stories makes me feel like what I have to say can be meaningful, that the things that I feel are important and can be shared, and that someone out there just might think there’s something special about my work. I have to believe this, or what am I writing for?

I want to touch someone’s innermost emotions, and give them hope. I want to force someone to think in a different way, and lead them to something good. I know that there are ways to do that in a story, but what is a story without an audience? How can I write with the hope that I can move someone, when I am not yet a published author? I admit, it takes a lot sometimes, but then even having a few readers can make the difference for m and provide me with the inspiration that I need to keep writing, and keep sending out my stories.

It all comes down to other people. We all need support, we need to feel confident about what we are doing. I am grateful for having family and friends to read my stories and tell me what they really think about them. I am happy to have these people in my life, because without them, there would no be story.

 

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Just Beyond… the front door

I hate hearing about people dying, even celebrities that I’ve never met, or even cared about much. It feels like just a little while ago that so many of the aging faces we see in films today were young and lively. I look at old pictures of people in my life, and it’s shocking to see how people change so drastically, in what seems like just a few years. But in reality, many years have passed.

   Of course, it’s harder to see the people we love grow older, but knowing how fast we are all passing through our lives is really something we should think about once in a while. I believe that after we die, there is more to do, possibly much more. But, even though I have this feeling in my heart, I don’t KNOW. No one does. And it is scary to consider that all that I know could be over in the not-too-distant future.

   I feel that life is a continuous learning process. The more I learn about myself, about other people, the world, about goodness and darkness, the more I feel that we are here for a reason – one that is, I hope, worth all of which we go through.

   I think about these things a lot, maybe more than I should, because, I get a little scared from time to time. On the other hand, it has pushed me to try and do more with my life, and to never settle for less than I want.

   I guess the first step is being able to find something to want that badly. To care so much about something that you will sacrifice years out of your life, sweat, aggravation, and pain for it. I believe we all have the ability to want something in this way, with desire.

   This is what makes us feel alive, young, able. To want something like you did when you were 12, when everything was still so new, where there was an adventure around every corner. Do you feel like you’ve done it all? Have you gone through so much in your life that you can’t bring those feelings back? Bullshit. This is just what you have made your mind believe, and it is really as simple as that.

   Let me tell you – there still is an adventure around every corner. There still are many, many more new and interesting things to try, things YOU will find interesting too. Do you want simple, do you want fast and easy? Google. Put on some music, sit down at your computer, and Google all the things that you remember you’ve always loved to do. Think about the things you’ve always thought would be fun to learn about. Dare yourself to take a Yoga class, just because you considered once or twice that you would get something out of it. Take a walk at a nearby beach, just because you never have, but simply because you once thought listening to the waves on a warm day would be nice.

   Do you like a challenge? Did you happen to know about the new fad lately? You know, the 5k’s that have obstacles? In just a couple of years, it has grown into something pretty huge, I’d say. There’s Warrior Dash, the Spartan Race, and there’s even one with zombies chasing you, called Run for Your Lives. It’s a lot of madness, but the kind that might just be fun to try. And who cares if you’ve never run more than a mile before. Nobody said you have to sprint the 3.1 miles the whole way. The point is to get out there and do it.

   I don’t care how old you are, whether you’re 15, 40, or 70. It doesn’t matter what kind of person you are or what you’ve been through. If you have physical limitations, well that’s no excuse either. Like I said before – Google. You will find tons of people who have continued to do what they love, without a leg or an arm. A man in his 70’s jumped out of an airplane because he’d always wanted to, and I know that this did something amazing for him, even at his age. I’m not trying to make anyone feel stressed out, or that you’re too lazy to get off your ass. I’m only trying to point out all of the things you may be missing out on.

   At 34, I can still say that I feel sort of like a kid. But it’s because of the way I think. I see so many people get to my age, and they already feel like things are so much different than when they were “young.” Don’t give up things because you’re not a teenager anymore. The older you get, you should feel even more of a desire to take things on. Before you know it, you may be wishing you had done more with your life. It could even make you depressed in your later years.

   I am no natural athlete. I am not that smart, at all. I am not immune to anything. But I know I have found something about the mind, about the way we think, that can remain the same throughout your life. I know how to believe, and when I envision what I want, as if it is here already, I know in my heart that it really can happen. And if it doesn’t, I know I can get pretty damn close. But you can’t sit back and rely on the magic of the mind to create it out of thin air. You just have to do it. Don’t plan on doing it, do it today, do it right now. Whether that is by going out the front door, walking through the city and down to the beach for a nice breath of fresh air for the first time in too long, or by giving something another go after a depressing failure, you have begun to believe. And I promise you, that’s all it takes.

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No Regret

It’s been so hard to write lately. It’s like there is just too much going on in my mind. I’m less focused, but at the same time, doing more than I ever have in my life. I seem to thrive when I am involved with a few different things at the same time. Though this takes away from my chances of becoming great at something, it keeps my motivation at peak.

The mind is so unpredictable. Well, at least mine is. I feel I want to be this great writer, and I know I have become much better. At times, I have shown a touch of something great. I just know it. People have said things to me about my work that has blown my mind. But then, some time passes and I start to wonder.

Do I have the patience to sit and write for hours on end, for the rest of my life? The next thing I know, I am signing up for a new martial art, and throwing myself into it like a madman. It’s how I like to take things on. I just can’t do anything unless my heart is all in.

It’s not like I don’t follow through with things, because I do. I have written a book and a half, and countless stories and articles. I’ve reached the level of black belt in Taekwondo. I’ve clearly taken a liking to both of these areas, but what do I really want? What am I looking for?

More than anything, I know that I want to do something amazing, or do something, anything, in a way that will amaze others. I want people to know I have a strong heart, I care for people, and things matter to me. I am not here to sit around and watch my life pass by without reaching for something that appears beyond my grasp.

For now, I am moving along a winding path. I couldn’t tell you if I am more in control of the direction, or if something is leading me. I have crazy desire to write more stories, and I know there is so much I have inside, waiting to come out. I believe that. Yet, the writing thing seems to be on hold, for the most part. One thing I have learned is that, you can’t force creativity.

I know that taking on something new will always liven up your life and make things new and interesting. Maybe this needs to happen right now. I have taken on a new Karate style. I have become involved with arm wrestling tournaments, making 2nd place in one. Two more are almost upon me. Maybe I’m trying to take on too much, or maybe my mind is just a little loopy. But I’m doing things, I’m challenging myself. I’m still writing, for school and what not, and will have my English degree in a year. I have not given up on anything.

I write this, not to brag about things I’ve done, or am doing, but simply to make sense of it all, for myself. I’m just trying to live my life. Writing about it, even if no one will ever read it or care, always helps a little. And honestly, it feels good to know that people might just be able to relate in some way.

For now, I’ll try and hold onto the idea that I have established a good writing foundation. Now, I must experience more of the world before I can truly put my all into writing something meaningful and important. Whatever the outcome, I know in my heart I am living my life to my full potential. I am making sure there can be no regret. I just don’t have time for that shit.

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